The King's Green Pad

As I was sitting in my Environmental Impact Assessment (EIA) class, learning about the process companies must go through in order to show how the benefits of their projects will outweigh the environmental harm of them, a classmate was stuttering over saying “EI-EI-AEI-EIA”, and the nursery rhyme “Old MacDonald” got stuck in my head.

This is what results when a tired writer has too many hours of school in one day!

The Oilsands: an EIA nursery rhyme 

Old MacOilman had a mine
EI-EI-A
And on that mine he had some upgraders
EI-EI-A
With an impact here and a pipeline there,
Here a gas, there a spill,
Everywhere a strip-mine
Old MacOilman had a mine,
EI-EI-A

Old MacOilman had a mine
EI-EI-A
And on that mine he had some overburden,
EI-EI-A
With a dozer here and a dead tree there,
Here extinction, there disruption,
Everywhere we see destruction,
Old MacOilman had a mine,
EI-EI-A

Old MacOilman had a mine
EI-EI-A
And on that mine he had an assessment,
EI-EI-A
With an screening here, and a consult there,
Here a scope, there effect,
Everywhere a document.
Old MacOilman had a mine,
EI-EI-A

Old MacOilman had a mine
EI-EI-A
And on that mine he had some workers
EI-EI-A
With a hazard here and a lawsuit there
Here a native, there an illness
Everywhere a health effect.
Old MacOilman had a mine,
EI-EI-A

Old MacOilman had a mine
EI-EI-A
And on that mine he had some connections
EI-EI-A
With a bureaucrat here and a lawyer there
Here a bribe, there a favour
Everywhere a hand in pocket
Old MacDonald had a mine,
EI-EI-A

Now you, too, can teach your children about corrupt companies in rhyme!
In all seriousness, I’d like to add a HUGE caveat to this poem. There are many very good people with a lot of integrity working in and with the oil sands projects and in the government, and many moves to decrease the damage caused by the oil sands projects are being made. There is also a lot I still have to learn about the issues involved. This poem is intended as lighthearted satire, not as a nuanced discussion about the many complex sides of the pros and cons of oil sands development. All that said, I DO have some big problems with some of the practices, corruption, and lack of care for the environment that I see surrounding the development in Northern Alberta. Please take a moment to think for yourself and look up some of the intelligent discussions available, many of them by members of this blog.